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Two posts kind of day

September 22, 2011

Its been one of those days.  I have the need to post again.  A facebook friend advised me to go read this blog written by an Aspberger’s person. I guess this blog is pretty famous.  Anyway, I didn’t. Then today I was googling some stuff about Aspberger’s and..  there was the blog. So I went.  This blog did not make me feel better.  The thought process going through this poor lady’s brain makes me want to take a nap. Yes she makes a lot of money. Yes she has kids and seems happy. But have you seen what she goes through to do.. ANYTHING? I’m glad she is so successful but I can’t see that being a very high %.

 

Anyway, I have a tendency to get lost in blogs. I start off on one post and then I’m at a new one and she’s that kind of blogger that has like eight links to old posts in one post so that I can’t even finish one before I’m just hopping all over the place.  I told the lady testing Rett yesterday that I felt like a bouncy ball in a big round room.  This seems to be a theme lately.

During one of her posts, she says that 80% of autistic children’s parents end up getting a divorce.  I can see why. I’m not saying my kid is autistic or that I’m getting a divorce just that I can see WHY.  Having a child with any issues, regardless of what they are, makes you feel very alone.  People try to comfort you but you secretly feel that they are breathing a sigh of relief that its not their kid.  Or you know straight out that they just ‘don’t get it’.  I’ve found a few people that do get it and that do manage to make me feel better.  But when I’M home trying to figure out how the hell to help this child… its a lonely place.

 

Today I tried a lot of different play things.  Trying to figure out what is going to work. I’ve decided nothing is going to ‘work’ anymore then anything else. I also learned some pretty depressing things. For starters, when my 15 month old got up I experimented with her doing the same activities.  She play longer, more appropriately and I WANTED to play with her. I can’t tell you why. Not being she isn’t autistic. Because she’s more fun.

 

For one activity, I got out our huge little people wheelies ramp thing.  I actually recorded this but I’ll save you the utter boredom because NOTHING was accomplished.  I tried to pretend they were racing. Tried to pretend they were sliding. They were falling. That they were going to a store.  He started driving them on his stomach which is a ‘weird play behavior’ that I have to stop.  After that, he was done.  Nothing accomplished.  Fast forward to Evie. She puts the cars down from the top. Puts them through the holes in the middle. WHEE!! she exclaims. Uh oh! as they fly off. She puts a spoon down. She tries a ball.  She figures out that these other parts move and what do they do if a car is on there?  She is engaging and its fun to watch her and help her along.

 

Also got our friend bear out again. I had put away all the plastic kitchen things because honestly all Rett does it throw crap around.  We put bear in the chair, got a few bowls and some fake food. I had found these plastic french fries. Rett is such a french fry guy.  I thought this would help get something started.  Also I thought using bear again would incite a feed the starving animal type response.  No. Got the plastic spoon out. He did feed the bear when I prompted him. Otherwise he was trying to stick the plastic french fries in his mouth which grossed me out. Me telling him to stop made the game more fun.  I put them up.  He was done.  Fast forward to Evie. She is feeding the bear. When I make chomping noises and say yum, she giggles and looks to me each time to make the noise.  When I make the bear grab the spoon to feed her, her big smile and laughs make me want to continue the play.   She tries feeding him different foods. Then throws him off the chair. Uh oh! looks at me to see what I think about that. NO NO! back in the chair with the bear.

 

Rett and I also played ‘cave’ under the table with a sheet. Again with the stupid bear. Stupid bear is letting me down.   Rett liked me acting like a bear. He wanted me to chase him.  When I tried to get him to do other bear like things.. he was done.

 

Later on that day, Rett came up to me with a screwdriver. Not something I’d normally let him play with.  He’s really into things being ‘broke’ though so I thought maybe this would work.  I pretended the play kitchen was broke. I fixed it.  He sort of mimicked that.   I asked what else was broke. No response. I told him the chair was broke.  No response.  We then moved on to ‘fixing’ some of the play cars.  Major mistake. The RV has screws. ACTUAL things used for fixing.  Rett is really into actual.  He really wanted to fix it by turning the screws.  He couldn’t of course which made him mad. When I tried to get him to go onto something else he thought I was nuts because it didn’t have any screws to use the screwdriver on.

 

I called Tom frustrated and upset.  He was on lunch.  We talked for awhile and then he had to go since his lunch was up.  We hung up. He went back to work and I am still here.  So yah I can see why 80% of people get divorced.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 22, 2011 10:28 pm

    Hugs. Big Hugs. I don’t think it really helps for me to say that I know these kinds of days and although they don’t come as often-they still hit me like a train, totally out of the blue. Life will get better. You will settle into a new kind of normal. But you will also have really bad days where you want to hurt something. I’m glad you are writing instead!

    I have read lots of different statistics about marriage-some say 80%, some say 60%, etc.

    What I do know is that having a special needs child is VERY VERY HARD on a marriage. It is also the best kind of glue you can imagine. When you get through the really rough patches, when you’ve screamed at each other, listed out the things that aren’t fair, cried in each others arms, celebrated at the first little sign of progress, held your breath together everytime you are in public and a million other things that most couples just don’t have to face-it can either break you or build you. I like to think that John and I beat the odds because no matter how bad the bad days are, we are in this together and we just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

    Take a deep breath. It will not always be this hard. You will have amazing days. Truly, there will come a day when you will be so thankful for every step of this journey.

  2. August 12, 2012 9:20 am

    Looks like my parents were lucky with me. I feel sorry for you Laura. While Autism is great for me, it’s disastrous that it forces you to adapt your life so massively to it. I hope my positiveness can at least reassure you that your children are not lost.
    Just check out my blog if you want to read something beautiful about autism.

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