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What is fine anyway?

October 27, 2011

 

When you are going through a difficult time a lot of people ask you how you’re doing, how’s it going, how was your day, how are you holding up?  And I say fine.  I’m doing fine.  Because who really wants to hear I’m about one major decision away from a nervous breakdown? Who really wants to hear that I cried this morning getting ready to take him to swim school because I am so overwhelmed packing a bag with swim stuff is enough to tip me over the edge?  Yah.. no hands raised.  Who wants to deal with this crap I don’t even want to deal with?  There are a few people that I whine and cry and complain to. Either they are dealing with similar situations, or they have proven that they actually care or they are my best friends and are stuck with me.  But most people want to hear fine and go on. In fact I can almost hear their sigh of relief when I don’t go into how entirely crappy the situation is.  Because the only thing worse then not hearing ‘I’m fine’ is not having a thing to say to help the situation.

 

Lisa (early intervention) came yesterday.  My goal was to get some things for him to work on and work on getting a plan in place because Lisa is only coming a few more time and that’s it.   Rett is very confusing because in some areas he is on level, some areas he’s above and some areas he’s behind.  The areas that he’s behind in (like pretend play) I have 0 training and 0 ideas on really how to help.  Lisa told me I was taking on too much responsibility.  She told me that I needed to calm down. She told me that I was in panic mode.   She told me… that he would be fine.

 

And once she brought that word up, I thought…. this is the same way that I am ‘fine’ isn’t it.  This is the same way that I let people off the hook that don’t really want to hear the entire thousand pound worry that is sitting on my shoulders.   This ‘fine’ isn’t the same definition as the real world.  This ‘fine’ is the one you say when you don’t really want to deal with things.   Had she thought that maybe I’m taking on too much responsibility because nobody else is here to help us?  That maybe I’m in panic mode because I feel that our family is stuck in a burning building and we don’t know where the emergency exit is?  Did she ever think that in one month she gets to leave us behind but that this is my child and I will never get to look away from him when he is doing just ‘fine’.  Because fine isn’t enough for me.

 

So when I hear those words that he will be ‘fine’, I will push.  I will continue searching for resources, answers, ideas, hope, energy and looking for someone who cares as much as I do that he’s not just ‘fine’.  Because fine isn’t good enough for me.  It isn’t good enough for him.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. October 27, 2011 6:04 pm

    As always, awesome post! I hate that word too. And you are so right! You never have to settle for fine and you shouldn’t have to! Neither should Rett. You’re doing great! And by the way, you can vent to me anytime. Email me and I’ll send you my phone number and you can call or text whenever you need anything at all! Us moms have to stick together and I’ll never let you tell me you’re fine-and believe it! LOL!!!

  2. Ann Hatton permalink
    November 2, 2011 2:28 pm

    I agree with you and Ramona, “fine” isn’t fine. I have never been one to want to hear fine as an answer when asking a question. “How was your day Allena”? FINE

    That’s not me, I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH! Truly tell me how your day was. If I ask how things are going it’s because I really want to know.

    Laura, I have tried to always be there for you anytime you need anything. If I didn’t have the answers or the capabilities to help, I’ve tried to find someone who can. I hope you know that no matter what you are going through I am here for you always. I love you all very much. Please don’t hesitate to call on me for ANYTHING.

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