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Where does my child fit?

November 22, 2011

I keep seeing these lists.  The lists of the signs I should have been looking for.  The ones the doctor was supposed to be asking me.  Here’s a list (and my response):


  • The child does not respond to his/her name.  My child does!
  • The child cannot explain what he/she wants.  My child could!
  • Language skills or speech are delayed.  Ok yah got us here…
  • The child doesn’t follow directions.  Yes he does!
  • At times, the child seems to be deaf.  Nope…
  • The child seems to hear sometimes, but not others.  Try again.
  • The child doesn’t point or wave bye-bye.  Yah he did both of these just fine.
  • The child used to say a few words or babble, but now he/she doesn’t.  No regression.
  • The child throws intense or violent tantrums.  Nope. Actually we were told how lucky we were with his tantrums. He’d lay on the floor.
  • The child has odd movement patterns.  Nope.
  • The child is hyperactive, uncooperative, or oppositional.  No again.
  • The child doesn’t know how to play with toys.  Half of this.
  • The child doesn’t smile when smiled at.  Yes he does!
  • The child has poor eye contact.  Not enough for me to notice until I started looking for it.
  • The child gets “stuck” on things over and over and can’t move on to other things.  Insert ‘doors’ here
  • The child seems to prefer to play alone.  Nope
  • The child gets things for him/herself only.  Nope.
  • The child is very independent for his/her age.  For a 2 year old?
  • The child does things “early” compared to other children.  Nope.
  • The child seems to be in his/her “own world.”  Nope.
  • The child seems to tune people out.  Nope.
  • The child is not interested in other children.  My child is!
  • The child walks on his/her toes. Nope.
  • The child shows unusual attachments to toys, objects, or schedules (i.e., always holding a string or having to put socks on before pants.)  Nope.
  • Child spends a lot of time lining things up or putting things in a certain order.  Nope.


So from the list I can figure out that… my child is weird.  He is weird for a typically developing child.  And he’s weird for an autistic child.


Its very hard to have a child that doesn’t fit easily into either category.   I guess its a PDD-NOS thing.  People tell me things like ‘well you have to do things over and over for autistic kids to get it’.   My child isn’t ‘autistic kids’.   And no, you don’t have to for him.   For some things, yes. But for other things, one time and he has it.  People think a lot of things. Professional people.  People off the street.  People try to put your kid in a box.  Its very scary.


I sent my child to Mother’s Day Out today.  Its always very hard for me.  He can’t tell me about his day.  If he’s happy when I pick him up or if he’s crying.   I have to completely trust these people.  When does it end? When can my little boy just tell me if he painted or if he played with blocks?  Why does he just disappear for a day and I am completely secluded from that?

I ended up just giving his teacher and the director a note of all the things I wanted to tell them. I figured with my pregnancy hormones, I’d end up crying if I tried to talk about it.  Or I’d get off subject (like normal).  Or I’d come off as defensive.  So I just put it in a note and gave it to them.  I talked to Miss Charlotte about my concerns with him transitioning to another teacher when she has her baby.  She didn’t think he would have any harder of a time as the other kids.  I’m not convinced.   I also don’t want to deal with them finding somebody different every few weeks because they are having problems finding a permanent teacher.   Or I’m looking for excuses to not let him disappear in the world of unknown away from me.


So I’m not sure where my kid fits.  There doesn’t seem to be a box to hold him.  But he fits just fine here on my lap, in my arms.   If only that was enough.

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