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Moving Mountains

June 27, 2013

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There’s been a song on the radio that keeps calling out to me.   I actually can’t pick a few lines of the song because its all so good so I’m posting it in its entirety.

 

Another day, another fight
It always feels like an uphill climb
Another step, another mile
The story of your life

It’s harder than you ever thought
And it costs you everything you’ve got
When you’re back against the wall
And you feel like giving up

This is only a mountain
You don’t have to find your way around it
Tell it to move, it’ll move
Tell it to fall, it’ll fall
This is only a moment
You don’t have to let your fear control it
Tell it to move, it’ll move
Tell it to fall, it’ll fall

You’ve gotta find a second wind
It’s not as high as you think it is
Don’t give up and don’t you quit
You gotta climb if you wanna win, yeah

And I know it looks big
And I know you feel small
But just a little bit of faith can change it all, change it all

This is only a mountain
You don’t have to find your way around it
Tell it to move, it’ll move
Tell it to fall, it’ll fall
This is only a moment
You don’t have to let your fear control it
Tell it to move, it’ll move
Tell it to fall, it’ll fall

Ask like you believe it
Trust like you can see it
Take your fear and say
There’s nothing in your way, no
Even when it looks big
Even when you feel small
Just a little bit of faith can change it all

This is only a mountain
You don’t have to find your way around it
Tell it to move, it’ll move
Tell it to fall, it’ll fall
This is only a moment
You don’t have to let your fear control it
Tell it to move, it’ll move
Tell it to fall, it’ll fall

It’s only a mountain
Just a little bit of faith can change it all

  – Jason Catsro

 

Whenever I heard that song I always thought that autism is our mountain. I’ve faced many mountains in my life over the course of time.  Some were harder than others.  Some I’m not quite sure when I came down the other side and left the mountain in the distance.  And some I’m still climbing.  But today, autism definitely is in the forefront of our family’s very being.  Therapies, schooling, social opportunities, auditory processing therapy, current obsessions all consume our discussions, our focus, our time.  By ‘our’ I mean mine.   Because the kiddos are just living the only life they’ve ever known.

 

I heard another mountain song today. I’ve heard it before but today God put it on my heart to make connections between the two mountain themes to make sense of the climb.

 

“Long Way Home”

I set out on a great adventure
The day my Father started leading me home
He said there’s gonna be some mountains to climb
And some valleys we’re gonna go through

But I had no way of knowing
Just how hard this journey could be
Cause the valleys are deeper
And the mountains are steeper than I ever would have dreamed

But I know we’re gonna make it
And I know we’re gonna get there soon
And I know sometimes it feels like we’re going the wrong way
But its just the long way home

I got some rocks in my shoes
Fears I wish I could lose
That make the mountains so hard to climb
And my heart gets so heavy with the weight of the world sometimes

There’s a bag of regrets,
My should’ve beens, and not yets
I keep on dragging around
And I can hardly wait for the day I get to lay them all down

I know that day is coming
I know its gonna be here soon
And I won’t turn back even if the whole world says I’m going the wrong way
Cause its just the long way home

When we can’t take another step
The Father will pick us up and carry us in His arms
And even on the best days, He says to remember we’re not home yet
So don’t get too comfortable
Cause really all we are is just pilgrims passing through

Well, I know we’re gonna make it
And I know we’re gonna get there soon
So I keep on singing and believing
What all of my songs say

Cause our God has made a promise
And I know that everything He says is true
And I know wherever we go
He will never leave us
Cause He’s gonna lead us home

Every single step of the long way home
(Keep going, we’re gonna make it)
(I know, we’re gonna make it)
(We’re just taking the long way home)
(Keep going, we’re gonna make it)
(I know, we’re gonna make it)
(We’re just taking the long way home)
(Keep going, we’re gonna make it)
(I know, we’re gonna make it)
(We’re just taking the long way home)
(Keep going, we’re gonna make it)
(I know, we’re gonna make it)
It’s just a long way home

 
– Steven Curtis Chapman
 
 
I realized suddenly that all these mountains are just the small path we walk during our life times which is so short in the grand scheme of things.   And I thought of other walks I had taken on my way ‘home’.  Mostly my grandmother’s house.  She has a large ranch and I have some of my best memories being out in the wild by myself playing for hours and walking home.  Yah there were some times I tripped and stumbled or scratched myself on a wire fence.  I came home covered in insect bites and with a million tiny blackberry scratches, sometimes sun burned.   But during that time of my life, just like every child, you ignore all the pain and all the small things and soak up the world around you. Nothing can distract you from seeing the beauty of the walk. 
 
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So yah.  This is our mountain.  And the climb has been harder and scarier than anything I have ever imagined.  But you know, the view is pretty amazing.   His childhood is happening now. It wasn’t what I planned for and it wasn’t what I would have wished for him.  So many hours spent in speech sessions and ABA.  So many hours of my own life spent worrying at night over what we’ve decided is best for him and what his future holds.  But these days are going to pass by regardless.  Its time to truly soak things up.  
 
As we’re ending our ‘early intervention’ period for Rett, I have to admit that its scary for me.  But I continue to be led to wonderful articles written by strong, inspiring spectrum mommies that are helping me keep a level head and keep fighting the good fight.  
 
As Rett grows, the ‘WOW he did this for the first time today!’ happens less and less.  Concepts are harder and it takes a longer time to teach and for them to truly soak in to become spontaneous.   They also require more steps and he seems to sneak in the skill while I’m not paying attention because he was ‘almost’ doing it for so long. 
 
Yesterday Rett’s Gigi came into town and Rett was telling her how he was playing knights and how they were such a great present.  He was attempting to tell her that my friend Jen had given him some new playmobile knights that he was really excited about.  The words weren’t quite perfect and it took awhile for me to put it together but I thought, THIS is such a typical thing for a kid to tell his grandmother.   Sharing something exciting that happened in his life.  And with the desire there, the skill will come.  We’re getting so close. 
 
My friend Jen was in town for a few days with her son, Sebastian.  Our boys have been around each other since they were pretty small.  They don’t see each other often but every time the growth in his interaction and play is awesome.  He’s not on level, of course but again, I think its mostly language holding him back.
 
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We’re leaving for the beach on Friday and I am so looking forward to the recharge that comes from being there.   Soak up the view from your mountain today.   Because it won’t look the exact same tomorrow. 
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